Job ads to which I have responded recently:

1- “Freelance writers needed, work from home.” Christ almighty, is there anything on Craigslist that isn’t a scam?

2 - “Editor needed for exciting online startup.” Translation: We need an adult with a lot of money to make our crazy idea real.

3 - “Emerging nonprofit seeks experienced fundraiser and web manager.” I’m sorry, but I don’t think your leather-and-ropes blog is going to qualify for 501 (c) (3) status.

4 - “Communications director with national humanitarian organization.” This one promised to drug-test me the moment I walked in the door, and before that could happen, required me to fill out a phone survey that asked me 100 questions about my recreational drug use, attitudes toward theft by employees and willingness to tolerate tardiness. My, what a wonderful atmosphere in which to work.

5 - “Staff writer for a university.” The first thing they said to me on the phone was, “This is a lot more than a 40-hour-a-week job.” It basically involved indentured servitude to a PR director who sounded like a prime candidate to subscribe to #3.

6 - “Outreach specialist for socially relevant activist group.” These guys couldn’t even get it together to agree on an interview time with me. Apparently there are 10 staff members and they have split, in good leftist tradition, into two warring factions. No thanks. Been there, done that.

7 - “Make thousands a month from home with your computer.” OK, I didn’t really answer that one. I’m not that dumb, or desperate. Who really falls for this crap?

8 - “Nationally distributed niche magazine seeks managing editor.” The, um, editor in chief runs the operation from a house that smells like camphor and is overrun with cats. I didn’t even stick around to find out what her niche was.

9 - “Daily vlog will pay $80,000 annually for online host in NY or LA.” Actually I passed on that one too. I heard too many stories from people I trust. ;-)

10 - “Local urban-education group seeks grant manager.” This one really hurt. I made it to the final round, rewrote their “grant-writing test” to fix more than 100 errors they HADN’T intentionally inserted, and agreed to a pretty miserable wage in exchange for a really cool working atmosphere, good colleagues and a mission I really believed in. Damn it, they found someone they liked better.

I have 31 classifieds on my list to respond to this week. Sometimes it feels like there can’t possible be a job shortage. Then one by one, the reality behind the agate sinks in.

Yee-ha.